BANGBANG

I bursted out to tears before I went to sleep.

Here's the story:

Nakauwi na kami galingsa kasal ng pinsan ko. Yung lil bro ko umeemote hindi ko alm kung bakit. Ang naririnig ko lang hindi pa daw sya kumakain. Kebs!

I was unwrapping my mom's gifts kasi most of the time, she doesn't really find use to her new stuffs kaya binibigay nya samin, pinalabas kapatid ko sa kwarto para kumain. Kebs!

Bumalik si Mama sa room, umiiyak daw kapatid ko. Mas madrama buhay nya kesa sakin kasi mas madalas sya umiyak. Kebs!

Nilapitan ako ni Mama, sabi sakin kausapin ko daw lil bro ko tulad ng way ni kuya kausapin si lil bro. Arfgh! Sabi ko na lang sa sarili ko, WHY AM I THE ONE WHO SHOULD DO THIS. OBLIGATION NA NI KUYA ALAGAAN SI LIL BRO KASI SYA NAMAN PABURITO. WELL, PABURITO NILA ISA'T ISA. NASAN NA BA KASI YUNG LALAKI NA YUN, SA KASAL HINDI SYA SUMIPOT SYA PA NAMAN LAGING BUKANG BIBIG NG PARENTS KO AT MGA TITA KO. I DIDN'T SHINE KASI MAS GLOSSY ANG EXPLOSIBO NYANG HINDI PAGDATING. EPAL EPAL. HMP! Labas naman ako ng kwarto. Pinagalitan ko ang bata habang umiiyak/hyper ventilate. (Well syempre hindi ako si kuya kaya I should stick on my own ways.) Aba! ako naman ang hindi pinansin.

Balik ako sa kwarto. Sabi ko kina mama, kapag naghyper ventilate si vincent wag nyo pansinin. (Hindi kasi nila alm yun. Nagaway na kami before ni lil bro kasi inaaway nya ako e ako ang matanda and gay. Kinakaya-kaya kasi ako kaya i fought back. Take note, nagaaway kami sa harap ni Papa habang nanunuod ng Karera. Nagalit si Papa, pinagalitan ang lil bro. Umiyak, naghyperventilate. Nanigas ang mga kamay. Nagpanic ang buong bahay. Ang labas, ako ang masama. Naghahyperventilate din ako pero syampre dahil sa matanda nak, hindi ko pinapakita na umiiyak ako. Basta tumanim sakin yung night na yun na nagpanic silang lahat at ako chilax lang habang naiinis) Maya maya lumabas ulit ako kasi nagui-guilty nama ako. Alam ko na naghahyperventilate na yung bata wala akong ginagawa. Labas naman ako. Pinagalitan ko ulit habang nasa lob ako ng ref naghahanap ng food na pwede nyang kainin. Nagdabog ang bata! Nandilim paningin ko, batukan ko nga. Lumevel pataas ang iyak. Kuha na lang ako ng plastic bag. Syempre hindi ko pinakain at hindi ko rin tinali ulo nya. Wala kasing paperbag (yng brown na paper na parang pangpandesal na mas maayos lng tingnan.) Pinasok ko ilong at bibig nya sa bag para matrap paghinga nya para makahinga sya ng maayos. Nung humina na, pininom ko ng water. Alis ako, balik sa ref. E parang hindi naman masarap yung mga food and parang ayaw din naman nya kainin yung mga nasa loob. Kinuha ko yung brownies sa bag ko. (Sa isip ko lang ayaw ko ibigay yung brownies kasi masarap yun e.) Kebs! (Regalo din naman kasi kay mama yung brownies, wag naman ako madamot)

Paglabas ko ng kwarto hawak ang brownies, inalok ni sis si lil bro ng Jollibee. Aba, wala daw pakialam si lil bro. Sinigawan ko nga. Sabi ko pasalamat ka pinipilit ka namin kumain. Hindi ka namin pipilitin kung hindi masama ang hindi kumain. Hagulgol ulit. Kuha ulit ako ng plastic bag. Dating si mama, sabi sakin wala pa daw kinakain si lil bro since yesterday. Habang pinapahinga ang bata sa plastic, pinapangaralan ko ng bonggang-bongga! (SYEMPRE HINDI NAKO GALIT KASI NA WIRDOHAN AKO SA GINAGAWA KO. NAIIYAK NA RIN KASI AKO. PIGIL AKO. MAY MGA PUMAPASOK SA ISIP KO NA NAAAPEKTUHAN ANG SENSITIVE KO NA HEART) Nung ok na si lil bro, tahimik na sya, kinausap ko ulit. (MAS MALUMANAY TEH. PARANG SISTER MARY BONNIE ANG APROACH) Nilabas ko ang cupcakes at chocolates. Kailanagn din kasi nya ng sweets kasi baka magcolapse ang bata or hindi makatayo bukas.

Hinayaan ko na si lil bro sa table. Punta ako sa kwarto ko at syaka umiyak. Natouch kasi ako sa sarili ko. Hindi kasi ako ganun sa lil bro ko. Sanay ako na api-apihin mga kapatid ko kahit ang kuya ko dahil siguro sa selos sa kanila pero sa nangyari kanina, maybago akong nagawa. Ang bait ko phota! Ayaw ko rin naman kasi na mangyari sa lil bro ko mga nangyari sakin o nangyayari kapag sinusumpong. Nandun ang susuka o tatae ng bula na may dugo kapag malala na. Pupulupot ang katawan as a normal state kapag sinusumpong, talo pa ang haring-singsingna black na worm na gumagapang sa mga pader. Tapos mamumutla ng parang patay ang mata tapos itatakbo na lang sa ospital. Nangyari sakin yun nun HS ako. Ayoko maawa sa kapatid ko kasi iiyak ako ng bonggang-bongga. Mas bongga pa kung pano ko pagalitan sya kapag galit ako. Basta ang weird. Nakaubos ako ng isang roll ng tissue.

BANGBANG

I'm going to buy my DSLR very soon.. I just don't know what to choose between Nikon D60 and Canon 450D... Help? You may click the cameras for their details and features... Kung price paguusapan, mas mura ang Nikon kasi entry level lang ito.

BANGBANG

I'm looking for groups, organizations or companies who give scholarship for 2nd degree course takers.. huhu... ang hirap!!!

I would like to study Multimedia Arts in CSB because I believe CSB is the best art school established here in this world. I swear!

I love photography. I love taking pictures and looking at beautiful pictures but I also want to master other digital media.

Arfgh! HELP!!!

BANGBANG

BANGBANG

Tell me that I'm crazy but It has been a year since the last time I'm sure of what I feel.

I love you
I don't know what else to say
Cuz I long for you more each day
I need you
I want to feel your embrace
And have a chance to touch your face

I was lost and alone
But you showed me the way
Now I call you my own
Things will never be the same

How could I’ve known
You will hold me close so tenderly
Even though I’m alone
I can feel your arms enfold in me
And that love, became mine in just one night
When you held me tight
Oooh.. it felt so right

I feel you
You’re always here in my heart
Its where reflection since we fall apart

I was lost and alone
But you showed me the way
Can’t go on, on my own
Wishin’ that you would stay

How could I’ve known
You will hold me close so tenderly
Even though I’m alone
I can feel your arms enfold in me
And that love, became mine in just one night
When you held me tight
Oooh.. it felt so right

I was lost and alone
But you showed me the way
Can’t go on, on my own
Wishin’ that you would stay
Tell me that you would stay... ey

How could I’ve know (how could I’ve known… ohh) 
(Ooh)You will hold me close so tenderly (oohh)
(Ooh)Even though I’m alone 
I can feel your arms enfold in me (your arms enfold me)
And that love, became mine in just one night
When you held me tight
Oooh.. it felt so right
Felt so right…
Hmmm… felt so right.

BANGBANG

Before slumber, Tita Ching (now that she resides in my home) and I often meet on the top of our house to puff sticks of blue cigars and talk. This time, sya lang matutulog because I have to finish a computer job.

We talked about leaving the country to find work abroud. I opened to her that I'm not comfortable leaving the country and Paul, my boyfriend. Yea, I trust Paul but do I trust myself? I believe that I'm a loyal and faithful other half but there will always be temptation to humans, most especially to gay people. I know hindi malandi si Paul but the thought that we're countries far from each other puts me in misery. I'm thinking of spending 2 years away from home and how can we survive on that 2 years. How will I talk to him? I hope by that time, i already have a wifi capable gadget that I can use anywhere so that I could send him messages often na hindi magastos. Pero, ok lang ba kung yun lang? (sigh) masakit na ulo ko. Kaya ko kayang ilihim kay Paul na aalis ako ng bansa habang inaayos ko visa? (sigh) This thoughts makes me cry.

Tita Ching shared a story about his gay friend who works abroad and have his boyfriend living with his family. I laughed. Kilala nanaman ako ng family ni Paul and kilala nang family ko si Paul. Will it be ok for my family or to Paul to live with my family? haha.. (sigh)

I want to work abroad and save fortunes then go back to my land. How will I spend that fortune, dun ko na lang malalaman kapag nakabalik na ako. hehe

BANGBANG